Emailed to me from another humor list (Funny-Bone)
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If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a
much earlier age.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again
at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you
ever want to see it again.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas
about the golf swing.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like
expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
tree.
There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces that are
just the way you meant to play them.
You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a two-inch
branch 90 percent of the time.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple
bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
Hazards attract; fairways repel.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is
in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.