John F. Kennedy:
"All of us who have crossed the roads of our lives understand the dangers of destination and the formidable burdens of flightless fowl. So let every chicken know, whether it crosses slowly or quickly, that this administration supports the struggles of chickens everywhere, and we will not be content until every hen is the master of its own house. We all have roads before us, and so each of us, in our own way, is really chicken.
Lyndon Baines Johnson:
"Ah have known many chickens in mah time. Some as friends, some as opponents, still others as dinner. Many chickens in our great society have tried to cross the road. Some have been successful. Others have been struck down by beer trucks in the prime of pullethood. Therefore I, as your president, ask the American people to rededicate themselves tonight to the struggles of chickens everywhere. They have begun their humble journeys across the road. Let them continyah."
Pat Buchanan
"We know why the chicken crossed the road, my friends. Oh, yes we do. It crossed the road for the same reason they ALL cross the road: to come to our country, and eat our dried corn, and peck in our barnyard, and send their little chicks, mostly born out of wedlock, to our schools. But the American people are tired of those chickens, and the peasants have picked up their pitchforks. Our message to those chickens is simple, my friends: 'Welcome to the barbecue.'"
Ross Perot
"All right, so say you've got this chicken. He's at Point A on this chart here, and he's next to some road, which is this line that bisects the chart from top to bottom. But the chicken doesn't want to stay at Point A, no sir. That's stagnant. That's the kind of thinking we've had too long in this country. That chicken wants to CROSS that road, to go over here to Point B. Maybe he wants to open up a business or something, it doesn't really matter why. But the point is, he's got to cross that road. No way around it. He doesn't need a government handout. He just needs somebody to stop the darn traffic for a couple of minutes so he can GET across. Are you followin' me so far?"
Or go to the Good Clean Fun Main Page
(Graphics Version)
or (Text-Only Version)