Plato:
For the greater good.
Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
let it take.
Douglas Adams:
Forty-two.
Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
also across you.
Oliver North:
National Security was at stake.
Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such
occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein:
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects
"chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which
caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.
Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Salvador Dali:
The Fish.
Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus:
For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg:
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but
it was moving very fast.
David Hume:
Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jack Nicholson:
'cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?
Ronald Reagan:
I forget.
John Sununu:
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the
opportunity.
The Sphinx:
You tell me.
Sappho:
Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair
than all of Hellas' fine armies.
Henry David Thoreau:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain:
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Stephen Jay Gould:
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for
it, but we have been deluged in recent years with
sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little
direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not
know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure
most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. Crack its eggs to make my omlette.
Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but
also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates:
Because of an excess of pleghm in its pancreas.
Andersen Consultant:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening
its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with
significant challenges to create and develop the competencies
required for the newly competitive market. Andersen
Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client,
helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution
strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry
Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its
skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to
align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support
of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with
deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a
two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to
enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve
the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting
and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was
held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful
environment which was strategically based, industry-focused,
and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message
and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core
values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total
business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the
chicken change to become more successful.
Finally, in case someone thinks this has a distinctly anti-Republican bias,
the following has been added for balance:
Bill Clinton:
No one has ever offered one shred of evidence that the chicken
went anywhere near the road. Anyway, answering this question will
not educate a single child or provide a single senior citizen with
medical care.
Hillary Rodham Clinton:
Wait a minute! Chickens? That's domestic policy! You promised
that to me, Bill!
James Carville:
To avoid being killed by evil Republican policies. Now, where's
my chicken gumbo?
Al Gore:
To get ... to the other ... side.
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