(Note: A bit long but well worth it if you have ever been annoyed by
telemarketing phone calls ... Tom)
AT&T
© Copyright Robert Byron
All Rights Reserved
Used by Permission
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you,
is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone
call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to
be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call
happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this:
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes
thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the
phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked
up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my
interest) Yes, Sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's
amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just
one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560,
and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash
advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144
per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just
interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you.
You pay US 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that
you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU
10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal
telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this
in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for...
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this point I begin trying to finish my dinner.
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me (with mouth full of food): Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding
our 10 cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes, Sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I
could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful
not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get
back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the
person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls.
I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an
aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested
in signing up for our plan?
Me: No, but I was wondering -- do you have that "friends
and family" thing? Because you can never have enough
friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to
have a little brother...
AT&T: (*Click*)
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